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My Teenagers Aren't Popular & I'm Glad: Why This Mom Is Happy She Isn't Raising the "Popular Kids" by Heather Holter

Parenting Teens
3 months ago
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Heather Holter
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My Teenagers Aren't Popular & I'm Glad: Why This Mom Is Happy She Isn't Raising the "Popular Kids"

Growing up I was not popular, always felt left out and wanted to be popular. I was teased in junior high. In high school that had ended, but I still was not popular. I had a group of friends but I was not part of the "in" crowd. 

When I became a mother I wished for my kids to be popular as teens. So whenever I have a kid start junior high I always asked them if they were popular. When I asked my son he said he wasn't, but that it didn't bother him. "OK, so I still have more chances to have a popular kid with the other four kids," I sadly thought. 

Recently, I asked my daughter if she was popular and she said no. "Oh, sad. Why not? You are an amazing kid," I said. 

She replied, "Mom, I have plenty of friends, I am just not popular, and I don't want to be. It's fine. Really. When you are popular there is a constant expectation to do everything right, say the right things, wear the right clothes, talk to the right people and be in the right activities. You can't just be who you are and do what you want. If I was popular I would always be living in fear of making a mistake. I don't need that kind of pressure." 

Wow, this girl is smart! I never thought of it that way. Now I'm glad my kids aren't popular, not sad!

What do you think?

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Elisa Schmitz
This is genius, Heather Holter . It is very true that there is intense pressure on the "popular" kids. That's not to say there isn't pressure on the "regular" kids, but there's an extra layer there, which can add even more anxiety, etc. No one wants to fall off that pedestal once they're on it. I think being in the middle of the pack is probably safer for kids. I'm wondering what our teachers think of this? Teacher Karen Renee Herren Ann Marie Gardinier Halstead Kim Kusiciel Heather Bragg Tales from Classroom Tales from the Classroom Bill Ellis
Like Reply 2 5 years ago
Ann Marie Patitucci
So interesting! I think your daughter makes a great point, Heather Holter ! My hope has always been for my kids to find “their tribe,” the kids with whom they can be themselves, kids they can be silly with, kids who have their backs. It doesn’t even have to be a big group. Quality over quantity!
Like Reply 4 5 years ago
Heather Holter
I am starting to think kids are much smarter than parents in many ways. The wisdom that comes out of their mouths sometimes is just amazing!
Like Reply 3 5 years ago
Ann Marie Patitucci
They really are wise sometimes!!
Like 3 5 years ago
Bill James
I work with much younger children (aged 3 to 8), but I'd imagine there are parallels. The stresses I witness in the upper end of this age group centre on those at the insecure lower end of each group. Is it better to be at the top of the middle group than the bottom of the popular group? Perhaps
Like Reply 3 5 years ago
Michael Kennedy
I'm right on the cusp with my oldest girl but have two more coming in the pipeline.
It's great to read stories of confident and happy kids combined with the how's and why's! Solid!
Like Reply 3 5 years ago
Heather Holter
My teens are amazing kids! Much wiser than I was as a teen!
Like Reply 1 5 years ago
Sean Robbins Portland
Great read. The sweet spot is somewhere between popular and disliked. Just having your group of friends and be happy in school is all you need.
Like Reply 1 2 years ago

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