It's OK If You Don't Love Your Baby Right Away: Here's My Postpartum Story... by Heather Holter

It's OK If You Don't Love Your Baby Right Away: Here's My Postpartum Story...

Moms always share birth stories about being overwhelmed with love and joy the first time they see their newborns. You rarely hear about the opposite. This is my story…

After a difficult birth with my first child, I did not feel joy or love, just exhaustion, regret and resentment. I blamed the baby for this awful experience and just wanted him away from me so I could sleep. I wondered what I had done to my life. These feelings were confusing and unexpected.

He was planned and loved throughout the pregnancy. I felt so guilty, but no matter how hard I tried I could not bring myself to love him.

For the first week, I picked him up only to feed, change and comfort him, but really felt nothing while I did so. Once I started feeling better and realized I would recover I started to like him a little, but still had scary thoughts about tossing him out a window or into the fish tank and walking away. I knew I would never do it, but I did think it.

Once feeding became easier and he would actually breastfeed without much trouble, I began to see how someone could love a baby, but I wasn't there yet.

Then, by 2 weeks old, we had a little routine down and he was the absolute love of my life!!! It was the most unbelievable indescribable feeling! I cried with joy! I could not believe how quickly this change took place. It was so amazing! I have loved him more every day since (16 years and four additional kids later).

So, mamas, do not worry if you don't feel an immediate bond and love for your baby. It will come!

Read more of my postpartum story.

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Mike Prochaska
Anyone else feel this way? I was in awe!
The baby blues or postpartum depression are so hard. Glad you felt better quickly.
Sheri B Doyle
Thank you so much for writing about this! I used to own a baby store and saw so many moms struggling with this. They were so ashamed and guilt ridden. Hopefully your tip will help other moms avoid the guilt and just let everything in their bodies settle down, their routines with the baby develop and the love will come, it always does!
Heather Holter
It isn't talked about enough because of the shame and guilt! It took me a decade to tell anyone. My husband was the only one I told in the beginning and just "What did I do to my life?" Not the full extent. I still can't believe I ever felt that way. I love my kids more than anything.
Elisa Schmitz
The baby blues is more common than people imagine. It's not always sunshine and roses. Many thanks for sharing your story, Heather Holter . I love your honesty and openness. Your posts really help others realize they are not alone!

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